I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
