ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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