It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
