the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
