found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
