The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
