He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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