I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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