Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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