We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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