I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
