Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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