Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
