watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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