we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
