people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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