Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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