my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
