Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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