The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
