i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
