remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
