i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
