I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
