So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
