Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
