This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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