she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
