Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
