i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
