I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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