i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
