You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
