Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
