Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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