I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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