paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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