K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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