There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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