That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
