the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
