i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
