Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
