do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
