I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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