Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
