So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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