im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
