How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
