Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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