i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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